Needful Spanish, by El Oso

• Lesson 1:
  Spanish: "¡Ayuden me! ¿Donde puedo conseguir jeringas sin usar?"
  English: "Help me! Where can I get clean syringes?"

• Lesson 2:
  Spanish: "¡El cajero automatico se ha tragado mi tarjeta de credito! ¿Me acompañas a casa?"
  English: "The ATM took my credit card! Can I come with you to where you live?"

• Lesson 3:
  Spanish:"La casa es dos cuadros desde las playas"
  English: "The house is about five kilometres from the beaches."

• Lesson 4:
  Spanish: "¡Hola! Mi nombre es Inigo Montoya. Usted mató a mi padre. ¡Prepárese para morir!"
  English: "Hi! My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die!"

• Lesson 5:
  Spanish: "Placenteros Masajes. Sensuales chicas haran realidad tus fantasias"
  English: "Here you can play Playstation and eat chocolate all day, just the way you always wanted to!"

• Lesson 6:
  Spanish: "Todavia soy una fan despues de tantos años"
  English: "I am still a groupie after all these years."

• Lesson 7:
  Spanish: "Hay que limpiar la habitacion. ¿Puedo recibir la communion aqui?"
  English: "This room needs to be cleaned. Can I receive communion here?"

• Lesson 8:
  Spanish: "Ha sido fantastico. ¿Quieres un cigarro?"
  English: "That was amazing. Do you want a cigarette?"

• Lesson 9:
  Spanish: "Ay!"
  English: "Ouch!"

• Lesson 10:
  Spanish: "Soy sordo, pero puedo leer los labios."
  English: "I'm deaf, but I read lips."

• Lesson 11:
  Spanish: "Puede no hacer ninguna declaracion hasta que este en presencia de su abogado."
  English: "You don't have to say anything before your lawyer is here"

• Lesson 12:
  Spanish: "¿Hay algun programa de metadona en este pais?"
  English: "Is there a methadone program available in this country?"

• Lesson 13:
  Spanish: "Zorro"
  English: "Fox"

• Lesson 14:
  Spanish: "Conduco sobre los pacos acostados para dar la liquidacion"
  English: "I ran over the sleeping policemen/the speed humps in order to get there in time for the execution/sales."

• Lesson 15:
  Spanish: "¿Pueden enviar esta llama por correo a otro pais?"
  English. "Can I have you mail this llama to a different country?"

• Lesson 16:
  Spanish: "Tengo ganas de verlos otra vez."
  English: "I would like to see you again at a later occasion."

• Lesson 17:
  Spanish: "¿Cual es el camino mas corto a Pol Sur?"
  English: "Which way is the shortest to the South Pole?"

• Lesson 18:
  Spanish: "¿Puedo llevarte a casa?"
  English: "Can I take you home?"

• Lesson 19:
  Spanish: "¡El arbitro es una vaca!"
  English: "The referee is a cow!"

• Lesson 20:
  Spanish: "Deme dos gramos, por favor."
  English: "Give me two grams, please."

• Lesson 21:
  Spanish: "Lo siento, pero mi religion no me permite esta comida"
  English: "Unfortunately my religion does not allow me to eat this."

• Lesson 22:
  Spanish: "¡Hola! Me llamo Bjoern, y yo soy el hombre tus sueños"
  English: "Hi, my name is Bjoern, do you want to come home with me and look at my travel sickness bags?"

• Lesson 23:
  It took me a long time to notice that the parking spaces closest to the entrances of shopping centers most often were reserved for "Madres del futuro", that is "future mothers". I assume they mean pregnant women, not anyone with a potential for becoming a mother. Inside clothing shops there are often two signs at the entrance: "<-- Clothes for pregnant women" and "Other clothes -->". These two facts just may explain how large a part of a grown woman's life in South America is spent in a condition of pregnancy. Anyway, that is not the point of this language lesson. The point is that in Spanish, "pregnant" is "embarazada", somehow as if there is something negative in being pregnant. I don't know, but I would assume that getting the best parking spaces and a whole section in the clothing shops for yourself was something, and definitely not something to be shameful or embarassed about.

• Lesson 24:
  Spanish: "Esta es una veranha. Ella tiene hambre."
  English: "This is a vegetarian piraya. It is hungry."

• Lesson 25:
  Spanish: "¿Donde estan las pistas negras?"
  English: "Where are the black slopes?"

• Lesson 26:
  Spanish: "¡¿Eres loco?! ¡Estas es peligroso!"
  English: "Are you crazy? That is dangerous!" (To be said when someone in Lima comes up to you with a carton of cigarettes he has just stolen and wonders if you want to buy it off him.)

• Lesson 27:
  Spanish: "Es seguro hacer auto-stop desde Cuzco a Bogota?"
  English: "Is it safe to hitch-hike from Cuzco to Bogota?"

• Lesson 28:
  Not really Spanish, but anyway: "Antarctic 10" = "A man or, more often, a woman, who is described as being quite beautiful in Antarctica, but is just a plane ride away from being ordinary."

• Lesson 29:
  Spanish: "¡Guau!"
  English: "Wow!"

• Lesson 30:
  Spanish: "¡Ése es todo, gente!"
  English: "That's all, folks!"