Two piles of vomit: one nice and neatly tucked into the corner, another sprayed across the bar and floor with wild abandon.
The well-splattered one turns to the other and asks mournfully:
- How come you're so neat and tidy, while I'm such a mess?
The tidy one in the corner replies archly:
- It was the way I was brought up.
Two bums are walking along in the cold of winter. They haven't eaten for days, and they are starving. As they walk along, they come across a dead horse in a nearby field. Both of the bums rush over, only to find, to their dismay, that the horse has been dead for at least a week. Nevertheless, hunger overpowers one of the bums, and he starts eating raw hunks of horse meat. The other bum declines, stating that he would rather wait. The first bum tries to convince the second that this may be their only meal for some time, but the second bum simply says he will wait.
The first bum finishes, and they start to walk again. Not too much later, the first bum clutches his stomach, pitches forward, and throws up on the ground.
"Finally," exclaims the second bum, "This is what I've been waiting for! A hot meal!"